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Tuesday, August 8, 2017

SO HOW TERRIBLE WAS SHARKNADO 5?

Two postings ago I warned you not to watch the SyFy channel, for Sharknado was being re-played beginning with the initial one in 2013, up to the World Premier of #5, which was kept under wraps so even Rotten Tomatoes couldn't rate it.  Well, RT now has Sharknado #5 at 38%/57%, not that bad, when you consider that #4 got 17%/26% and #3 36%29%.  Against my better judgement, I recorded the film, which I can assure you was terrible and is now becoming my annual gauge of how bad movies can get.  If time is not that important, this option, further, is free, every year.  You can wait for replays on SyFy...or, apparently, watch it at no cost HERE.
The title of #5, Global Swarming, was announced on the day Donald Trump pulled out of the Paris Global Climate Change Agreement.  We can wait a century to experience the tragedy of his decision, or get an instant glimpse of many of your favorite cities being decimated.  The special effects, actually, were worthy of an otherwise forgettable production.
  • London
  • Tokyo, which is attacked by a Shark-zilla
  • Sydney
  • Rome
  • Cairo
  • Rio
  • Amsterdam
There were 23 celebrity cameos:
  • Chris Kattan, who had a rather lengthy role as the British Prime Minister
  • Clay Aiken, as the high tech genius equivalent from James Bonds movies.  He was actually quite good and I thought, initially was from England.  He almost became a congressman in 2014.
  • Fabio as The Pope.
  • Olivia Newton-John and Chloe Lattanzi as two robotic doctors (rightChloe is the daughter of Olivia)
  • Margaret Cho as a bride (don't remember seeing her, so here is where I might have dozed off)
  • Bret Michaels as himself
  • Charo as Queen Elizabeth II (they could have selected anyone else, but Charo???)
  • Gilbert Gottfried as a TV news reporter.
  • Al Roker, Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb as themselves.
  • Greg Louganis as an art thief (he has matured well).
  • Olympic swimmer Tom Daley as olympic swimmer Tom Daley.
  • Bai Ling as...who is she?  She lost her Chinese citizenship (although she insists she is from the Moon) for her 1997 performance in Red Corner with Richard Gere and posed nude for Playboy in June of 2005.
  • Ross Mullan of Game of Thrones as a scientist.
  • Geraldo Rivera as a mad genius.
I should add that everyone except Fin (Ian Ziering) dies in this film...except the final scene has his dead young son showing up as the now adult Dolph Lundren in a futuristic spacecraft, indicating where Sharknado 6 is headed.  Yes, of course there will be a #6 a year from now.

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The Dow Jones Industrial Average will NOT break its all-time record for the tenth straight day:

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